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About Me
- Jane Springer
- Clinton, New York, United States
- I teach poetry at Hamilton College. My last book was Dear Blackbird, (University of Utah Press).
7 comments:
Young Love with Thom -
New Canaan
Wrestling
Laughing
Holdiing
Hiding
Hugging
Jamaica
Kissing
Loving
Passion
Missing
Caught
Degraded
Abused
Threatened
Manipulated
Surrendered
2 Decades
Demise
Tragic
Dear Tommy,
I grew up always wanting a big brother. That was an impossible wish being that I was the eldest.
I thought that it would be fun to have a big brother – someone to show me around, hang out with, talk with and help master “life” with.
Well, I never had a big brother but I had you Thom, my older cousin. And it was enough.
In fact, it was more than enough. You were one of the great gifts that God put on this earth. And anyone who knew you, agrees.
I’ve been speaking with your friends and teachers. They all tell me what a sweet and gentle soul you were.
Well, I knew all that before I spoke with them. I grew up with you, remember? I saw how you lovingly and gently held Janni for the first time. I remember our walk where we talked so much that we got lost but found “Abbey” and “the rock that turned brown”.
Your friends have also said that you were hands down “The” most talented writer.
Once again, I’ve known that since we were children.
For over 30 years I kept that short story you wrote – complete with drawings. I remember how you cast Kris, Jenny, Janni and myself as the characters and convinced us to perform your work for our parents one Christmas Eve?
Here’s what I know that your friends and teachers don’t. You helped me.
It was when we were both living in Florida. If you had asked me how I liked living in Boca back then, I would have told you how much I hated being there. In fact, I’m sure that I did just that – many, many times. It’s funny now, though. I look back and all I can remember is how much fun you and I had at The Acapulco Grill eating the best cheese dip on the planet or talking/walking on the beach. Or dancing to Madonna. And getting drunk and thinking that karaoke was a good idea.
That year and a half that I lived in Florida was a very difficult time for me. But having you as my best friend helped because during that time, I came out to you. You were the first person in the family that I told. I chose you because of the sweet, sweet person that you were. Thank you for loving me – you helped me that night more than you can ever know.
But this is the part that kills me. You helped me but I couldn’t help you. You see, I knew you Thom. I knew you because I am you. And because of some intervention of fate and luck, I didn’t end up like you.
I ended up living the life that you should have been living too. The one where you dance off into the sunset with the one you love – regardless of who that is.
I regret so deeply that our relationship changed when I left Florida and that it wasn’t ever the same. I couldn’t bear to think that you judged the decisions I made and I distanced myself from you. I couldn’t stop judging you and I prayed that one day you’d be truthful to yourself. I’m sorry that I judged you. I understand now why you couldn’t do what I prayed for. And I understand why you distanced yourself from me as well.
Everyone makes choices. Some agree with your choices, some don’t. Sometimes you don’t really have a choice, while others think you do. You did make a choice. God, how I wish that you didn’t make the one that you did.
But it’s because I love you – all of you, that I can find the tiniest bit of solace knowing that you are happy now.
I’ll be with you again and we’ll dance….
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Hey Thom,
I was thinking about you as another birthday goes by. Licia passed away
this past july, and i was wishing you two could connect somehow.
You are both angels.
Love,
Paul
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Dear Thom,
I don't know why, but I was thinking of you and our time at FSU with Jane and Matt and Mark, and I looked up your dissertation online (which I had never workshopped in class, so it was new to me), and I read it in one sitting, and I was shredded by the book and by the fact that this is the only form in which it will ever be published, and it will be seen by too few people, because it is lovely, my friend, and so ripe and wise, and tragic.
You WERE good enough, buddy. I wish you could have made it to see this fucker in lights, with a line out the door, as it deserved.
SETH
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